


100%

by stressedasalways



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, post 4x15 + beyond, post framework
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-26
Updated: 2017-02-26
Packaged: 2018-09-26 23:13:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9928256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stressedasalways/pseuds/stressedasalways
Summary: And that's how it went day after day.  He would try, and Jemma would just refuse.  He hated that they were like this.  Ever since they met back at the academy.  Throw a puzzle or a project at them and they could talk for hours straight.  Binge watch a TV show and they could analyse every single thing that could possibly be analysed.But tell her he saw her as more than a friend?  Her tell him maybe there was more? Not be 100% sure what her response would be if he asked? Those were things that had to be dragged out of both of them.  He knew they were both equally to blame.  They always allowed the other one to get away with it.  Cause they both knew how they didn’t want to have the hard conversations themselves.





	

**Author's Note:**

> So here is my version of Jemma and Fitz finally discussing what happened to her. I didn't get into the Framework as far as what happened/will happen. It begins after the team has been rescued and is working on recovering.
> 
> Every time I think of what poor Jemma went through. I just needed some closure. There is angst but I did try to break it up. Cause it's Fitzsimmons and this is not the end of their story.
> 
> Enjoy!

Fitz had never been happier that he and Jemma had gotten their own place. At the time it seemed almost a waste. Not that he and Jemma weren’t ready for the step up in their relationship. Nor was the cost an issue, even if admittedly Jemma went a bit over their planned budget. 

_It has a breakfast nook Fitz!_

But it was that they never seemed to have time to be there. They still kept their small quarters on base for when they worked late, or had early missions, or tasks that required round the clock intervening. Which pretty much meant they had spent almost every night since they got the place back on the base.

But Jemma had been so excited. It was their place. To make a home, to decorate how they wanted. So even if they hadn't spent much time living there, they had spent lots of late nights painting and putting together furniture which somehow seemed to test Fitz’s skill as a engineer. All of their sentimental belongings and favorite things were moved over. So when the Shield base was exploded in the Framework/LMD battle, they were lucky enough to not really lose anything. Nothing physical anyway.

It had been two weeks since they had been pulled from the Framework. The base was still in shatters. Luckily, unlike the last time their base was breached, Shield still stood strong. Mace and Coulson were in DC, continuing to command while things were being rebuilt. Unfortunately in the fallout there had been some casualties before and during the explosion. Between that and the group that was in the Framework, everyone else was on a mandated paid leave of absence.

The first few days out had been spent in a medical base followed by massive briefings and psychological counselling. There was never any privacy so Fitz had been happy just to have her by his side. Any chance they got they would crawl into one another's bed, just holding each other, touching each other. He noticed Jemma always made sure they sat in such a way that she could always feel his pulse. A head on his chest, a hand across his wrist. Always making sure. He knew there was so much that had happened to her from the time he was taken.

Her injuries were much more extensive than his own. Quite honestly he could have been released after a day or so of monitoring. Aida for the most part had kept them pretty healthy. Mace was pretty beat up but even then she had done her best to mend his injuries.

May was pretty bad. She had been in the Framework for the longest amount of time. Her body was weak. Some of her muscles had started to atrophy. None of them had seen her except for when they were first removed from the machines. May was tough, he had to hold onto that. The guilt he felt was tremendous. And it only grew as he watched Jemma watering the plants that now graced their breakfast nook.

15 stitches near her hairline. Blunt force trauma. Concussion, only made worse by submitting herself to the Framework. Knife wound to her lower right leg. Originally was mended just by stitches. Post Framework she had surgery to try and repair the damage of severed tendons and nerves. Her toes tingled with numbness that they weren’t sure would ever go away. Not that she told him this of course. She chose not to say anything.

He hated it. They could talk about the others, they could go to dinner and almost pretend things were back to normal. But as soon as Fitz would try to talk about it, to apologize for his part, to ask what had happened, what truly happened, she would shut him down.

“Fitz no.” she replied sternly

“Jem we need to talk about this. I need to know what happened. I need to know…”

“To know what you did?” she interrupted. “No. I will not. I refuse. I will not add to your guilt.”

“But Jemma I hurt you. And no one will say what happened. No one will give me any information. It's all classified this and classified that. All I have been told was who was replaced by LMD’s and that you and Daisy were the only ones left. Somehow you managed to get away. You blew up the base, you were a walking injury, Daisy was shot and beat up.” he sighed thinking back to the briefings. It didn’t help it was outside agents who were performing them all since all their high ranking agents were part of the mission. They refused to give him any details. Protocol. Bullshit was what it was. It was Jemma, and Daisy, and his family that had gotten hurt.

“But it was me Jemma! I did this. I helped Radcliffe with the tech. I practically built the god damn Framework myself! I just need to know. I would never hurt you.” he didn’t mean anything by it. He knew Jemma knew that. In fact he had planned on continuing about how he had hurt her and he just needed to know how. But before the words left his lips he saw Jemma react to the last thing he said. Her eyes closed tight, traitor tears pushing past her cheeks that she was fighting to ignore.

She put up her hand, her eyes still closed tightly. It was both signalling him to stop talking and for herself to not fall over the edge. It felt like an eternity as he tried to will her to open her eyes, staring at her with such might that if he had possessed inhuman powers he would be sure he could read her mind.

Her arm slowly lowered as she blinked her eyes open. She quickly wiped her face with her sleeve. She took a deep breath and steadied herself. He was ready.

“So, I think we should go to a movie tonight, yeah?” her voice trying hard to be cheery.

“Dinner too?” he whispered back.

She smiled a huge smile. Relieved Fitz had taken the hint that she was not going to talk about this. He couldn't help but smile back, even though the sadness lingered beneath.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And that's how it went day after day. He would try, and Jemma would just refuse. He hated that they were like this. Ever since they met back at the academy. Throw a puzzle or a project at them and they could talk for hours straight. Binge watch a TV show and they could analyse every single thing that could possibly be analysed.

But tell her he saw her as more than a friend? Her tell him maybe there was more? Not be 100% sure what her response would be if he asked? Those were things that had to be dragged out of both of them. He knew they were both equally to blame. They always allowed the other one to get away with it. Cause they both knew how they didn’t want to have the hard conversations themselves. But he couldn’t this time. He knew this time was different. Selfishly he needed to this time. He needed to tell her how guilty he felt. It was his fault about May, his fault about them all. And god was he sorry for whatever happened in that compound. But he needed to know. He needed to know what damage he had done. He didn’t want this to be a thing they pushed down. He couldn't live with. He knew she couldn't either. It was there beneath the surface. They could make love, watch tv, go out to dinner, even go to the zoo hand in hand. They could both ignore the feeling deep in the pits of their stomachs, but it was there.

Jemma was getting ready to go on a walk to the florist 2 blocks away. She had to keep moving while her leg healed and on the days they chose to stay about the apartment she would do this as her rehab. Fitz usually went with her, but today said he would stay behind. She smiled and kissed him chastely on the lips.

“I’ll get us something chocolatey and sweet?”

“Make our dentist really hate us.” he replied and gave a quick kiss on her forehead. He saw her falter. Just for a second. Something had flashed in her eyes and was just as quickly gone and replaced by her beaming smile.

As soon as he saw her on the sidewalk from the window he quickly Facetimed Daisy.

“Fitz!!!” she immediately answered and was smiling widely on his screen.

“You look like you're healing well?”

“Oh you know us inhumans. Quick at that. Mostly I’m just bored senseless. This base is boring! There is no one to talk to.” she whined playfully.

“You're already back to work?” Fitz was a bit shocked. 

“Yes and no. I’m helping get us in some sort of order to reopen our base. So I’m at the DC head office, just trying to recover digital files and make sure we're good to go. It won't be pretty but we should at least be open in few more weeks. Mace is really guilting the stiff government dudes that he needs his base back and running. Talbot’s helping too cause he’s sick of seeing Coulson and me here.”

“Oh that's good. I guess that kind of makes my question moot.”

“What? What did you need?”

“Well I was going to invite you over for dinner or to hang out for a day. Me and Jem have been on our own for a bit and we’re going a little cabin crazy...and we have the extra room. It just seems silly you were in a hotel but…”

“Fitz you are a horrible liar. Although I know you love me to pieces you hate when I come over. Me and Jemma always have too much wine and pick on you. I think the last time we even put your hand in water while you were sleeping.” she pondered with a laugh.

God. that felt like a lifetime ago. Once Daisy came back to the base after the whole Quake/Vigilante period the three of them had really tried to capture what they used to be. Back when they first met on the bus and they first became a family. They actually did a pretty good job at repairing the damage. It was completely normal to return to their room on base and find Daisy and Jemma talking away. Even if Jemma wasn’t there, she was just as happy to hang out with Fitz. Even though she never took his suggestions and he was always stuck watching some cheesy movie with her. She helped with most of the painting in their new place and was always very quick to point out that she was the one that technically found it for them.

She was the only one he could talk to.

“She won’t tell me what happened.” he sighed.

Daisy’s face dropped. 

“It’s something I need to know Daisy. I think she needs to tell me too. It’s there, sometimes I say things or do things, innocent things, everyday things, and I see the pain flash in her eyes. I know we’ve always been horrible at talking about this stuff. But I don’t know what to do.”

“You just have to keep trying Fitz. I agree. It’s something you guys need to discuss.”

“You were there Daisy. I know you know more than what they are telling me. I’m sick of protocol and classified bullshit.”

Daisy actually laughed at him.

“Fitz come on! First off all, we’re messaging on a public data stream. So this whole conversation is already being stored on some Sheild server to be checked on. Not that I give a shit cause we all know that wouldn't stop me. And of course I know more. I was there. I lived it. I also have every video stream of every camera from the base that day. So the few things I wasn’t aware of, believe me when I say it's in full freaking technicolor in my head now. If I thought for a second me telling you every detail or hell even sending you classified video files would help you guys. I would. But I’m not going to. And not because of protocol and not because of rules or for the sake of this weird job we do. But because it’s not my story to tell you. It’s hers.” she stared at him through the screen and he sighed knowing it was true. “You’re a smart guy Fitz. Mace, Mack, Coulson and you were replaced by LMD’s. Mack and Coulson’s decoys mission was to get and turn me. What do you think your decoys mission was? You know. It's just too painful to admit.” It was true, he did know it.

“Now. Let us both wave and smile at Mace and or Coulson who will be forced to watch this call when one of the Shield minions flags it as treachery.” She smiled a huge smile and waved.  
Fitz put his head down and did a quick twitch of his hand to the camera. Knowing full well she was correct and he only hoped his superiors will watch and say nothing due to the circumstances. 

“I love you Fitz. Even though that was a fake invite to your spare room I’m totally holding you to it. Once you guys have talked and are good just send me a message. Shield will pay for a nice first class flight for me home to you guys. “ she looked off the camera, clearly someone was now in the room. “And would you look at that, looks like we’ve already been flagged. I may even get a face to face with Mace. You know how much he loves that.” she mocked.

“Thanks Daisy. See you soon” he said quickly before she disconnected.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It felt silly but he didn’t know how else to begin. So he lit some candles, put some soft playing music on his ipod, poured himself a beer and her a chardonnay and put the kleenex box slightly closer but not obnoxiously in the centre of his little display.

When she walked back into the apartment he saw her face light up. This is how he knew they would be okay. They just needed to have this conversation. Get the nastiness out. Clean the wounds as it were.

“Well this is a lovely surprise. You really are the romantic one are you?” she smiled as she walked in carrying her flowers and she had a bag with what looked to be very yummy chocolates. He took the flowers from her and grabbed a vase, deciding to put them in the centre of the table so they could look at them while they talked.

She helped open up the chocolates and steals a sip from her wine. Once they settled on the couch he was quick to kiss her and he could feel her smile beneath. He stopped himself before they got too carried away, it was things like this that were the reason they never had the conversation.

Jemma hummed in slight disappointment but mirrored Fitz in grabbing another sip of her drink as he did with his beer. 

“So really, whats this all about?”

“I need to clear the air Jemma. I can't keep it all inside anymore.” he saw her face drop, but he continued. “And if we need chocolate and booze and soothing music to do it, then that's what we will do. I have things I need to apologize for, even if I know you don’t blame me. Even if I don’t believe you when you say that, I still need to say them. And I think you need to say some things to. And I already know it's going to hurt. We both know that, we’re both trying to protect each other and ourselves and we can’t. Not when it comes to us. We’re more than that yeah?” he asked the question sending a familiar burn in his heart.

She nodded. Her eyes already starting to glisten with tears.

“We can go slowly?”

“Whatever we need. We’ve started this with a kiss, and we will end it with one. We don’t have to be scared.” he grabbed her hands tightly in his. “We both know we love each other, even with everything that has happened we have been so good. This is not going to change anything, except help me understand why you flinch when I touch you, or why when I think your not looking I see you limp on your leg and want to cry.”

She kissed him again. Tears spilling quietly. She put her hands to his face and felt the start of dampness there as well. When they separate she wipes his cheeks dry as he clumsily does the same for her.

“I don’t even know how to start this,” she sighs.

Fitz picks up his pint and Jemma smiled and grabbed her wine. They clink glasses and proceeded to down them both.

“A good a start as any.” Fitz said wiping his lips.

They sat in silence for a long while. Neither sure where to begin. 

“Your LMD was the one that hurt me.” she finally says in a rush. He felt it stab him in the gut. He knew. Of course he knew. But he didn't want it to be true.

“Oh god Jemma I’m so sorry.”

“We...well I...It? Figured out that the others had been compromised. The alarm stated 4 LMD’s were on base. We? Dammit! I hate saying it like that. It wasn’t you, but at the time you were you? I hate this.”

“It’s okay.” he soothed holding her hands tightly.

“We,” she continued but still slightly winced saying it. “We thought it was Coulson, Mace, Mack and Daisy. It was the most horrible feeling. Your LMD told me to be calm, we had to act normal to not draw attention to ourselves. You grabbed my hands.” and with that she looked down at them being held the same way. For a moment Fitz thought of letting go, but instead he only squeezed tighter. She smiled then, encouraged to keep going.

“We managed to get to the tool shed and away from the group. But the LMD alarm went off. One of us was compromised. I can’t even explain what it felt like Fitz. It was somehow all my worst nightmares coming true. Either you were the LMD and I had lost you, and I felt scared and betrayed. Or I was the LMD, and I couldn't even trust my own thoughts my own anything. Was I a killer designed to get your brain for Radcliffe? There was no good scenario, they were just as equally horrifying. While of course already being surrounded by our robot friends who were also out to get whoever was real. Your LMD was rambling about how the techs had messed it up somehow, it was so clearly a malfunction. 

I grabbed my gun and pointed it you...sorry your LMD…. I feel like I’m making this worse. Fitz I want you to know I know this was all your LMD. Yes it had your face and your voice and it was the worst moment of my entire life, but I don’t look at you now and fear you okay?” she sobbed.

Fitz felt at a loss of words. He knew the story was only just beginning. Jemma was alone in a room with an LMD. Even though he knew she survived, he couldn't imagine what she went through. HIs mind flashed back to when Ward was discovered as Hydra, and how scared he had been that Jemma could also be one of them. He couldn’t imagine what she must have felt. A horrible thought then crossed his mind.

“When did it break its program? Please tell me it broke then?” he begged for a conclusion he had no way to control. He remembered the May LMD and how it didn’t break program until it had the darkhold. If his LMD was to get Jemma did it break when confronted by her? 

She shook her head, fresh tears spilling that now mirrored his own. 

“Oh god Jemma, this is all my bloody fault. Every single second. I trusted him, I allowed him into our lives and then I bloody helped him perfect his evil plans. You told me! You told me it was a dangerous line. But I was just so excited by it all, the technology of it was amazing. It was just. Oh my god.” he sunk his head into his hands. She hugged him, putting her chin on his head, trying to soothe him by rubbing the back of his neck with her hand. But failing miserably as she knew she was only going to hurt him more to clear it all.

“He...he said the same thing, He didn’t break program. He practically had me convinced that I was the LMD. He said he was sorry, it was his fault, he was the bad guy.” she waited for Fitz to pick his head back up, she needed to say this while she could see his eyes.

“I agreed with him Fitz and I’m so sorry. But I thought I was dead, I thought you were dead. I saw no way out. All I knew was at this moment I was going to die, or I already was. And I was never going to see you again. Even though this thing that looked just like you and sounded just like you was right in front of me. It wasn’t us. Cause either it or me was already changed. I couldn’t even remember when the last time we were really together was. I was so angry and scared. In that moment I just thought, if you listened to me and never got involved we wouldn’t be dead right now. And I’m so sorry.”

They both broke completely then. He knew although there was so much more to the story this is what was holding Jemma back. Every time he begged for forgiveness, every time he tried to apologize. She couldn't help but think of this moment. Of the moment she did blame him, Even if she had every right, even if he couldn't hate her or ever be mad at her for it. She had not only thought it, but said it out loud. 

And she was right.

“I’m so sorry Jemma. You were right, I’m the bad guy.”

“No! No! You are not.” She grabbed his face in her hands. Kissing his face everywhere. A ghost of another horrible time in their history. “You are so pure of heart. You are not bad. You couldn’t be. You saw the potential of the Framework, of the LMD’s. And there was Fitz! There was so much potential. So much good could have come from it!”

“The rocket worked perfectly, except for landing on the wrong planet,” he whispered the quote from the creator of the atomic bomb. She nodded at him sadly. 

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Jemma then got up and got them both a glass of water.

“Best to stay hydrated.” she said as she handed him a glass.

“Always a doctor.” he tried to joke.

“Well we are loosing a lot of fluids, and if tonight we are going to have some more wine and put this all behind us it's best we keep pushing through, hmm”

Once they had some water and seemed to have their senses about them again Jemma continued.

“I didn’t know how to quickly prove who the LMD was. The others were bound to come by soon enough so didn't want to risk leaving the room to go one by one under the detector. All I kept thinking was I felt like me, it had to be you. I didn't want it to be you, but god how could it be me? How could I not know? So I saw a knife on the table and told you to grab it. I told you to slice your wrist so I could see the LMD components. It begged me not to, saying if I was wrong you’d then have slit your wrist. But there was no time. And you, sorry it, did it. And there was so much blood. I thought I was wrong. I thought I was the LMD. It fell to floor trying to stop the bleeding. I went over to help you, and while it cried out it pain, that's when it snapped out of its programming. It stabbed me with the knife.” she rubbed her leg, “and then hit me hard across the head with something.”

“Jesus Jem.”

“If it's any consolation you made a really impressive Terminator.” she tried to add levity but Fitz wasn’t having it.

“When I came to I was tied to a chair and he was working on getting me connected to the brainscan. I managed to get out but my head wound was pretty bad. There was an engine up on a lift so I figured if I could just get it close I could release it and incapacitate it. It worked but it only got one leg, so I knew it would get out quickly. I grabbed the knife and I just stabbed it over and over. I stabbed you Fitz, and you were begging me to stop, and there was blood everywhere.”

Fitz pulled Jemma into him as tightly as two humans could be. Then he squeezed as hard as he possibly could without hurting her. “It wasn’t me, it wasn’t me.” He whispered the mantra over and over. “You did everything right, you did what you had to do.”

“I knew it wasn’t you but god it was! It was you! Everything. Your tears, your smell, your touch, your voice. I now know what you would look like if I stabbed you. I now know what your eyes look like as you beg me to not kill you!” she sobbed hard into his chest. Grabbing and touching certain spots, almost as if she was proving once again to herself there were no wounds there. Fitz had never felt the pain she was describing. His skin never had been pierced by a blade held in her hand.

“It snapped back to LMD and tried to stop me by strangling me.” She instinctively touched her neck, the faint bruises still slightly visible. “And when that didn’t work it went back to trying to be you. It caressed my cheek and told me it was you. To stop. But I managed to hit the right spot near the neck that disabled it.”

It was Fitz’s turn to pull up her face and kiss everywhere. “It wasn’t me, It wasn’t me. I love you. I love you.” he repeated as he kept kissing.

As she started to calm she slightly pulled away to look into his eyes.

“I know, but that memory exists for me now. I love you so much, I never wanted to know this. I never wanted to know what you would look and sound like if you were being killed by me. I never should have known.”

After quite a while of sitting in each other's arms Fitz began to get up. 

“Come on, let's make some tea. We’re almost there.” He said as he pulled her up and towards the kitchen. They both moved around the kitchen working as a team to boil some water and prep the tea. Jemma grabbed some biscuits and every time they were within grasp they held a hand, kissed a shoulder, leaned against one another.

As they dropped the food and drinks back to the table Fitz grabbed her hands as soon as they were free.

“Dance with me.” he whispered in her ear.

“Now?” she asked in shock.

“I’m the romantic one remember.”

“Yeah, but you hate dancing.”

"Not with you. Never with you. Besides, this is slow and there is no audience.” he said into her ear as they began to sway.

It was the perfect distraction. They could be so close and touch without tears and sadness. He wanted nothing more than to take those horrid memories from her. To lock them up where she could never find them, where they could never hurt her. But just as she would always have to live with the memory of his death, he would always live with the memory that in some sick and twisted way it was his fault. 

When the song ended it felt like the weight of the room went away with it. They both knew the part that was the hardest was over. It was out in the open now and they would live with it. Together.

She told him how she hid in the storage closet thinking she had lost her mind. Still torn that she could be an LMD and still reeling with the image of killing him. She told him how Daisy found her looking like she was completely out of her mind. She even managed a small laugh when she remembered Daisy suggested she was clearly a malfunctioning LMD.

“I can’t even begin to describe how that hug felt though Fitz. I mean firstly it's the oddest sensation, feeling all the bones in your body vibrate. I’ll make Daisy do it to you the next time we see her. But that moment. It was just. I wasn’t alone. And suddenly I had hope. Daisy is such a force to be reckoned with. There was no other result than us getting out of there and saving you guys. Do you want to know what she said to me?”

He nodded.

“She said how the one things she's always known is how me and you belong together. That this wasn't how our story ends.”

He kissed her then. Their first real kiss since she entered the apartment with her flowers all those hours ago. No longer laced with pain or desperation. He would have to thank Daisy for that. Thank her for so much more.

They ordered some food and turned on a movie. Jemma molded into his side with his arm around her. During a musical interlude Jemma spoke, her gaze never leaving the screen.

“By the way. If there is ever a thought you had. Something you for some reason weren’t 100% about. Be 100% about it.” he could see her smile and then try to hide it as the TV light bounced off her face. He smiled too and kissed the side of her head. 

So 100% he was.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed. I feel I can now finally rest and enjoy everyone's interpretations until hiatus ends. Please leave feedback and/or kudos :-)


End file.
